Now that’s an interesting topic for a political study! Yahoo! reported on this story about how people prefer McCain to Obama because McCain has pets and Obama doesn’t. No wonder people can’t think straight. Sorry so long, but this article is just so incredibly loaded with garbage logic and throwaway quotes. Here’s how the logic flows:
“Well, if voters identify with a guy who owns pets, it’s easy to see why they’d like the Arizona senator.” Cause he has pets, and they like that.
“He has a veritable menagerie, including Sam the English springer spaniel, Coco the mutt, turtles Cuff and Link, Oreo the black and white cat, a ferret, three parakeets and a bunch of saltwater fish.” Here’s a list of all these cute little names you should associate with McCain: McCain Sam, McCain Coco, McCain Cuff and Link, McCain Oreo. Aw, that was supercute!
“On the other hand, the poll found that among people who don’t have pets, Obama leads McCain 48 percent to 34 percent.” Obama doesn’t have pets, so he’s boring and sterile.
“But that still leaves McCain looking strong, since the majority of homes have a pet.” Yay! McCain won the cutesy little contest that made me nostalgic for my dead dog but happy because of that fluffy little puppy I saw yesterday. I guess Obama just wouldn’t understand any of those things, though, wouldn’t understand me, not like cuddly little McCain. I guess he won! Is the election over yet? It’s obvious what kind of guy we need and what kind of guy we don’t need. Forget the stupid election!
It’s official. Inkpen just got dumber for having read that, but she still can’t stop. Here are some random lines pulled from the quotes and the text of the story.
1) “John McCain is looking like best in show.“– Yes, it’s part of a nonsensical and self-congratulatingly (on the surface) clever if-then clause, but the meaning is too clear to be interpreted.
2) “pets are a longtime presidential tradition for which the presumed Republican nominee seems well prepared” — Obama isn’t presidential in this way.
3) “Barack Obama, on the other hand, doesn’t have a pet at home.“ — He’s not prepared to be president and his home is an empty sterile place, not bubbling over with life like McCain’s place.
4) “The pet-owning public seems to have noticed the difference.” Based on some poll AP-Yahoo put up, we’ve got not only a trend but a news story.
5) “I think a person who owns a pet is a more compassionate person — caring, giving, trustworthy. I like pet owners,” said Janet Taylor of Plymouth, Mass.” – How did they track down this one person to interview? What’s she saying: McCain is compassionate, caring, giving, trustworthy and I like him, he’s likable. The flip side: that Obama guy, who doesn’t have the kind of warm heart pet owners have, is aloof, insensitive, selfish and deceptive. Other noteworthy quotes about pet owners: “if a person owns a pet that “tells you that they’re responsible at least for something, for the care of something.” AND “if a president owns a pet, then “I’m glad to know they like animals.” – So, you can guess what it tells you if someone, esp. a president, doesn’t own a pet.
After all, who would trust a guy who makes potentially empty promises to his own daughter?
6) “Obama has reportedly promised his daughters a dog once the campaign is over.” - “Reportedly”, or is it just another empty promise, like the ones he’s making to the American people? Either way, that’s a long time to keep a little girl waiting. He seems like kind of a selfish, self-absorbed dad, doesn’t he?
7) “But that still leaves McCain looking strong, since the majority of homes have a pet.” — Phew! I got worried for a second there when they said that the majority of non-pet owners (whatever kind of people those are!) prefer Obama. All I can say is thank God that McCain will probably win because he’s more like the American people than that weird guy who doesn’t have a pet.
